What's My Deal Lately?
Hey hey! This is going to be a really unofficial kind of post, so I apologize in advance. It's mostly just a personal update on what has been going on with me and why I have been off the radar for almost two months now.
For whatever reason, I seem to be incapable of maintaining a stable emotional state since I started writing full time. I'm either manic with excitement and energy because everything is going well and I'm super excited about the future, or I'm depressed because my recent book didn't do as well or something has set me back and I am having trouble finding the willpower to press on and keep trying.
Needless to say, I've been in the latter category for the last two months or so. I've seen a kind of dip in interest in my most recent books, and as usual, I've jumped straight to wondering if this is the beginning of the end for me being able to keep doing this professionally.
Confidence has never been one of my strong suits, so for better or worse (usually worse), I tend to judge the trajectory of my entire career on my last book's performance. If it did well, I'm optimistic. It means I am writing the follow-up book with tons of energy and excitement and I'm hopeful for how it'll do. If my previous book struggled, I start to question every decision I make during the writing process, and end up getting way behind schedule because I'm so petrified with fear that the book is going to fail.
At some point last month, my worries ended up kind of paralyzing my ability to write any real amount of words. I'd spend all of my work day trying to get 5000 words and end up with 800. I wasn't keeping up with booking promotions for my new books because I was worried they wouldn't even be finished in time. I wasn't checking my email or my Facebook to make sure no one had tried to contact me. It felt like I was just gradually checking out because thinking about work got me so stressed that I couldn't think straight.
Thankfully, I think I'm on my way back out of my slump. It has taken me nearly three months to write this book, which is about two months longer than it normally takes me, but the plus side is I've had plenty of time to re-read it and go back through with a fine-toothed comb, which I normally don't have the luxury of taking my time with. Knowing I've had as much time as I have is giving me a little more confidence, even though my last book, Baby for the Beast, didn't really stick around like I was hoping.
Anyway, I wanted to put all this out there, especially for anyone who has tried to reach me or get in touch with me for the last month or two. I haven't even opened my messages or my email, but as soon as I put the finishing touches on this book and get it ready to publish, I'm going to force myself back into being a responsible adult and I'll get caught up on all my messages.
Thanks for bearing with me, and thank you for everyone who has been supporting me all along. I love you guys!